thinking pattern
Personalization: taking the blame for things outside your control
Personalization puts you at the centre of the cause. If someone is in a bad mood, it must be something you did; if a plan fails, it’s your fault.
What personalization sounds like
- “It’s my fault they’re upset.”
- “If I’d tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened.”
- “They’re quiet because of me.”
Personalization examples from everyday life
situation
Your team misses a target.
the thought
“I let everyone down.”
situation
A friend seems distant.
the thought
“I must have said something wrong.”
situation
A family dinner gets tense.
the thought
“I should have kept everyone happy.”
Why our minds do this
Taking responsibility can be a strength, especially if you care about people. Over-applied, it hands you blame for things that were never yours to carry.
How to catch personalization in the moment
- 1Draw a quick pie chart of everything that played a part. How big is your slice really?
- 2Ask what else might be going on in the other person’s life.
- 3Own your part, and only your part.
Which thinking styles it shows up in
Personalization often comes with the Empathetic thinking style — usually as the flip side of a real strength.